screeeeam

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OK, I know it's a bit dark but I was feeling down today so I made this - now I feel better :D
I thought about it last night when my eyes felt so heavy and my brain was hyperactive, buzzing with plans and fears...

mad hatter tea party

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Feelin' a bit melancholic today... Mad Hatter is my best friend.

I miss our mad tea parties...

I miss our home...

I miss being kids...

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folie a deux

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'I run away from reality. I always did...' he said to me.
I ran away from him last summer. I traded one illusion for another. Just a different sort of fairytale. When the magic faded I ran away again... Wanting to finally figure things out and 'get real'.
Why do we feel more alive when we're chasing a dream?

'Maybe it is crazy. But if we're in it together and we're happy, what else do we need?' he said to me.
I surrendered and we went to get ice-cream. The best ice-cream place in town. The menu was so long it could have given you a good read for days. So we smiled and just asked the waitress to recommend us something. She observed for two seconds our love-soaked gazes and she showed us page 36 in the menu, a feast of tropical flavours, an exquisitely baroque icy dessert called 'Folie a deux' !



Folie à deux (English pronunciation: /fɒˈli ə ˈduː/, from the French for "a madness shared by two") is a rare psychiatric syndrome in which symptoms of a delusional belief are transmitted from one individual to another, two people "morbidly predisposed" to delusional psychosis mutually trigger symptoms in each other.

But maybe falling in love is in a way a delusion shared by two.
Just like many other illusions we need to keep us going. We all like to escape reality, even for a little time, in books or films or peculiar hobbies. For some is just for fun, for others it's a necessity. I suppose the key is to balance fantasy and reality in a way that none overtakes the other.

Heavenly creatures is a film set in the 50's about two girls with an intense fantasy life, following a true story.





The film is very good at building the characters and truly makes you understand their justification for their acts. It is about escaping reality in a fantasy world in which they start believing so much that they would do anything to protect it.

pics source

10 current obsessions

1. Odd self portraits

Yes... I did quite a few actually. I have a whole series in mind... I'm not self obsessed, I swear...it's just that late at night when I usually start drawing I have no other model :P

2. Serial killers

This one is an evergreen obsession of mine, reignited by a visit to Oxford where I got a new book with rare pictures... I'm a walking encyclopedia when it comes to serial killers. I still don't know if that's good or bad...

3. English country houses

I can't get enough of them... I never miss a chance to visit one...and I just got a new book about English architectural styles to keep me going :) pic source

4. Victorian dolls

This one started by looking through a book for collectors in a charity shop. I am fascinated with all the details and period clothing. I made some drawings, maybe I'll post them later... pic source

5. Circus

And by that I mean daring acts, life on the road, freak shows, burlesque costumes... the whole atmosphere... like in the 'Imaginarium of doctor Parnassus' - pic source

6. Rose incense sticks

I'd like this smell to soak into every inch of my room... pic source

7. Sunflowers

I had a bouquet in my room for a few days and I started to understand Van Gogh's series - pic source

8. Weird animals

I love to watch documentaries about rare or unusual animals... I love knowing lots of peculiar details about them :D

9. Puzzles

Me and my sister bought 5 only in the last month... and I've got a new puzzle mat too! This is what I've been doing all day today actually :D pic source

10. Baggy jeans

Yeah, well... they're just comfortable! But I hope I'm gonna get over this one pretty soon... pic source

So this is pretty much what keeps me busy all day, or the things I want to get back to all the time. I somewhat hope that posting them here is gonna have some sort of cathartic effect... Do you have any current sticky obsession, something you can't seem to get enough of?

introspection

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I like seeing the small dark grains of coffee dirtying the white white sugar when I use the same teaspoon to make coffee. Coffee makes me hyperactive and my hands shake. I lick the teaspoon then I put it back in the drawer. I like to pour the milk; it goes down in the mug, hits the bottom and comes back to the surface, changing the colour. I like to take mental pictures of the fast changing shapes and different shades that appear until it blends in a homogeneous mass. I like the scars on my body. I am terrified by the white, immaculate paper.

I like things queer and questionable.

25

da...25 de ani de cand numar petale de zarzar si am atins atatea vieti...
da...m-am verificat, dar sunt la fel ca ieri. nici o schimbare vizibila. oricum...lucrez la asta. Incerc sa ma maturizez. Am si cautat pe google 'how to gow up'. Spre surpriza mea am si gasit. Pasii sunt simpli, ii puteti vedea aici. Am gasit de asemenea si articole similare foarte interesante cum ar fi 'how to grow a pumpkin' sau 'how to grow watermelons'.

Imi tot suna in cap melodia de la 4non blondes: '25years and my life is still/trying to get that great big deal oh hope/ for a destination...'

Oricum...simt ca acesta este un moment solemn si ma simt mai inteleapta asa ca voi vorbi despre viata. Viata este un lucru ciudat care trece repede, timpul nu mai are rabdare cu oamenii. Foarte important este sa valorifici la maxim lunile de martie pentru ca in martie se intampla numai lucruri bune. Trebuie sa faci dragoste cu cat mai multi oameni, sa dansezi, sa eviti avocado si inveti sa faci un lucru nou. Ca sa arat ca sunt consecventa eu am invatat sa joc Sims si am exersat treaba asta cu viata. Am aflat ca daca ai 'good mood' cand te duci la servici avansezi mai repede, ca daca vrei sa iti atingi 'life goal'-ul cat esti inca tanar trebuie sa iti sacrifici relatiile sociale si ca nici un skill nu se atinge fara mult studiu si exercitiu. Ce mai, lucruri folositoare! Anul trecut in martie am inceput blogul asta, deci inca un lucru grozav.


Mergand prin viata intalnesti cele mai diferite lucruri, trebuie sa le absorbi pe toate pentru ca sa ai la ce te gandi cand iesi la pensie. Uneori unele lucruri sunt folositoare altele nu. Ca de exemplu:

- daca ai dintii strambi, mari si apropiati iti raman coji de mere intre ei, ceea ce este un lucru teribil de enervant asa ca este foarte indicat sa porti aparat dentar in copilarie

- cel mai bine cand fierbi orez este sa dai focul foarte mic ca sa nu se lipeasca

- lacul sarat este o mare porcarie

- cand mergi pe munte sa pui toata talpa si sa nu te tii de radacini

- inainte sa o predai, e bine sa iti salvezi lucrarea de dizertatie in cel putin 5 locuri diferite

- unghiile de la picioare cresc mult mai incet decat cele de la maini

- mucegaiul se duce foarte bine cu solutie antimucegai de la Bison

- un tip si o tipa pot fi doar prieteni, apoi dupa cativa ani sexul poate fi foarte placut

- viata are gust: coca cola

- e foarte important sa fii prieten cu secretara de la facultate

- wear sunscreen

...

Asa ca, in cinstea unui nou an minunat maine o sa ma duc de-a lungul canalului sa vad daca au inflorit copacii (presimt ca da). Cel mai frumos lucru din univers sunt copacii infloriti. Urmatorul cel mai frumos lucru din univers este sa te urci intr-un copac plin cu flori, dar asta devine mai greu cu varsta. Mai ales ca in tara asta oamenii par sa aiba o preferinta pentru pomii frutiferi mici. Cica dupa ce cresc nu mai sunt la fel de roditori si ii schimba, sau asa ceva. Cand eram mica ma urcam in visin si invatasem deja sa recunosc multi copaci dupa flori.


'A thing of beauty is a joy forever...' (john keats) ... si la 25 de ani and so on...

I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold...

Louise isi sterse lacrimile, se ridica de pe scaun si incepu sa impatureasca o camasa. In camera era haos, abia gaseai loc sa pasesti printre lucrurile aruncate pe jos: tricouri, pijamale, prosoape, rucsacul de munte inca nedesfacut de la ultima tura, masa de calcat, cabluri, sosete, servetele folosite... Pe Louise nu o deranja asta, dar facand ordine macar avea senzatia ca face ceva.
Oricum nu putea sa iasa din casa pana nu ii treceau de pe fata urmele de plans.
Puse in cos rufele murdare, impaturi si aseza in dulap restul de haine, isi asuma chiar si obositoarea sarcina de a gasi perechea tuturor sosetelor, negre si stinghere.

Ciudat cum ieri oboseala, durerea de cap si usturimea din chiloti ii dadeau senzatia ca are o viata plina si intensa iar astazi o faceau sa se simta o epava.

Deschise fereastra si trase in piept aerul rece.

Un miros de mancare venea de afara. Louise gandi: 'unii oameni au o viata asezata in care la ora pranzului miroase intotdeauna a mancare'. E frumos sa ai o certitudine in viata...chiar si una banala de genul acesta.

Ea nu avea nici una.

Ajunsese in punctul in care supra-analiza totul intr-atat incat ajungea sa se indoiasca chiar si de lucruri absolut firesti. Incerca din rasputeri sa inteleaga ce e cu ea, sa ajunga la radacina problemei si sa o priveasca din toate unghiurile dar nu reusea decat sa o desfaca in sute de alte probleme si toata situatia ii aparea irezolvabila. Si asta ii paraliza orice miscare.

nostalgia

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beautiful dreamy pics by tirilhauan
So they say I tend to look in the past a little bit to much.
But why is it that everything seems so much nicer after time passes? After a while you only remember the good parts. I always thought that's a good thing...

thought of the day: open to changes

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cupcake baroque

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OK...so I'm feeling a little bit distracted these days... lots of things going through my mind. I'll be moving to England in march so I've got lots of things to sort out by then...i wish i cold just relax and don't think about anything. Sometimes i think it was probably great to be a baroque lady that didn't had anything to do all day...just pampering and being pretty...
well...just kidding, i would probably go crazy after a week of doing absolutely nothing...
i think i'll just go for a walk!

i'm an addict

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I'm in love with coke ... it's a long lasting relationship. We've been on and off, but I'm an addict, i keep coming back ...

back from Neverland

Filip… mi-am dorit mereu sa te intalnesc. Sa ne iubim sa ne despartim si apoi sa imi amintesc de tine (denoi) si sa zambesc linistit. In dimineata cand m-am trezit langa tine la 7 ore dupa ce te-am cunoscut te priveam si ma gandeam cum ar fi sa am pe cineva ca tine in viata mea. Daca era oare posibil sa ajunga ceva obisnuit sa ma trezesc langa tine asa. Camera aia veche de pe langa Atheneu in care ma mutasem cu o luna in urma, cu mobila demna de cel mai baroc anticariat, tablourile de pe pereti , oglinda ovala imensa si buclele tale pe perna mea ma faceau sa ma intreb daca nu cumva un ciob din viata altcuiva a alunecat din greseala la mine.

Peste trei luni ieseam impreuna de la metrou si mergeam sa imi arati apartamentul pe care tu il inchiriasei pentru noi. Ma intorceam in tara dupa 2 saptamani chinuitoare de nopti lungi de declaratii via webcam. In prima noastra noapte acolo priveam stelele din pat prin geamul fara perdele si ma intrebam oare cum o sa fie viata cu tine, ce o sa mai descoperim si aveam senzatia ca eram doi copii care se joaca de-a mama si de-a tata.

si ne-am jucat si ne-am plimbat si ne-am certat si-am innotat ... ne-am mutat si-am ras si-am plans si-am baut sucuri naturale...

si-a fost frumos.

am aflat cum

si la un moment dat singura intrebare care mai plutea era - oare cum ar fi viata fara tine dupa viata cu tine?

Pentru mine ai fost un fel de Peter Pan.

i made photoshop love

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I first wanted to just post these pics that I've taken a while ago when i forgot the water was running and i almost flood the apartment but then i started wondering if you would see them the way i do so i decided to write on them what they were saying to me. I love playing in Photoshop and since this Valentine thing is coming... Not that I'm a big fan of this holiday but i saw some really nice graphics on the occasion that got me inspired :D

Sophie nu are nimic de spus

Sophie nu are nimic de spus. E atat de frig incat nu isi aminteste sa fi fost vreodata atat de frig.
Si e viscol
E a doua oara cand ma rogi sa ma dau jos din pat sa vedem ce se aude la geam … se misca gratiile astea…ti-am spus…
E urat sa stai la parter.
Stiu, Sophie. Dar cat poate sa mai tina iarna asta? Hai, dormi … te sarut
Stiu ca uneori Sophie se teme ca tot inghetul asta e din vina ei … adica asa dinauntru. Si ca suntem blocati cu frigul asta la fel cum ea e blocata inauntrul ei. Stiu ca nu prea doarme. Si ca nu prea mai iese din casa. Si nu se mai vede cu niciunul din prietenii ei. Uneori trece o saptamana incheiata fara sa-i sune telefonul. Si atunci cand suna evita sa raspunda.
Mi-a sarit somnul!
Citeste ceva, poate iti vine inapoi…
Nu pot sa citesc…
Sophie nu mai crede in cuvinte. De fapt o obosesc … Prefera bucuria descoperirilor nemijlocite de cuvinte. Priveste zambind usor o poza cu un fluture.
Iti amintesti de Lima, Sophie? Mi-e dor sa vad soarele prin parul tau pe strazile din Miraflores. Iti amintesti de batranul care ne-a vandut suvenirul ala, dar tu ai hotarat ca fluturii n-au ce cauta in rama sub o sticla si l-ai lipit pe perete in camera de hotel? Mi-e dor de tine Sophie … si de exuberantele tale si de comentariile rautacioase … mi-e dor de tine si te astept si vreau sa te intorci!


pic from flickr

tattoo you